i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
