We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
