He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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