Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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