please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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