At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
