Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
