Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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