Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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