I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
