I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
