is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
