My hand turned me down
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
