Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she woke up with a sticky ear
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
