every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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