I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
