Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There's always time for handjobs
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
