How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
