Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
