Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
