shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
