i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
