whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
