i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
