i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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