Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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