If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
