I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
