I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
