whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
id be glad to
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
