I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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