Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
