This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
