i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i think i just naturally attract stoners
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
