So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
