you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
