No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
