To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize