I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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