He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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