im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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