trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
