You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
babies were throwing up all over the place
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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