I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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