i think my mom watched the whole time
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
