there's paper in my vomit.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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