Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
