the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
