Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
