i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
