I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sobbing to NWA
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
