The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
