me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Shame - the story of my life.
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