The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
