i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
