Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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