So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
