He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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