apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
