just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just want nice things and good sex
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
