FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
