I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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