is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize