I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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