You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
