i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
