i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
