If i come over, it means nothing
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
