dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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