So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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