I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
