i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
