Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Mom said you looked used
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
