i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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