Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
