i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
