How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
